I have found myself all too often chasing you. No, my love, I will no longer chase, for I deserve to be chased for once. Believe me when I say this will be a difficult task; to sit idly by and wait for you to come looking for me. But one day you will wake, and when you do your mind will be flooded with thoughts of unconditional love, hand-holding in the afternoon, nights of pain and pleasure...and your very next thought will be of me.

Until then, my love, I am practicing your name so I can say it to your face.

My best friend, Rebecca -- straight -- who I have, admittedly, slept with...twice...has decided to "find me a girlfriend." She is apparently doing so by emailing me the links for her favorite "W4W" Personal Ads on Craigslist. She sent me an email with six links, each one with a little message from her underneath like "Rebounds are bad but she's pretty" and "Hope her 'no drugs' statement doesn't include pot for your sake." Below is the funniest email conversation she and I have had in a while, and I thought it was definitely entertaining enough to delight the masses. Enjoy:

My email to her:
First post: I will never date anyone who uses the word "trib", nor will I fault you for *not* knowing what it is ;)

Second post: Her drug statement *definitely* includes pot. Also, she used the expression "beat around the bush" in a W4W personals ad. Ick.

Third post: I'm not into black girls. I know, I know...beggars shouldn't be choosers, but in all honesty Aliyah is the only black girl I have ever thought was "beautiful." Also, she doesn't use apostrophes. "I'm" should never look like "Im" :( Lastly, if the girl in the picture IS her, including a photo like that in an ad where you're hoping to meet someone interested in your brains and not your brawn, turns me off.

Fourth post: Best one yet. No, I'm not into butch lesbians but she's definitely witty and I *was* entertained. Plus, including both a picture of Quazimodo and a magical Unicorn is fuckin' brilliant. The perfect amount of self-deprecating and queer.

Fifth post: You're getting better as you go along. Not sure that I want to start something with a girl who's just recently had her heart broken, but who am I kidding...I'VE just recently had my heart broken. The fact that she likes Tina Fey is a plus. And the rainbow puking rainbow puke made me laugh outloud. Then I vomited Skittles.

Sixth (final) post: I must admit, I had to read her ad twice before I found the quote from The Princess Bride, but I found it...and I think that counts for something. Also the subject title of her post is one of my favorite lines from a Beatles song in which there *are* only two lines -- the other of which is "No one will be watching us." And it's a definite plus that she judges people based on poor spelling and grammar. I don't know whether this would be considered "kismet" but I belong to a group on Facebook called "I Judge You When You Use Poor Grammar." Lastly, we all know I like squishy bits.

Good job, sweetness, keep it up! ;)
*Jen

Her reply:
yeah, no clue what "trib" refers to...i take it i shouldn't google it, for my own good?

My response:
I'm writing to the last three. You already know what "trib" is, you just don't know you do. You've even done it I'm sure, you just don't know you have. Now you won't be able to *resist* Googling it will you. I apologize in advance.

Hers:
haha ok, you got me. damn you...googling...

oh, that's not nearly as bad as i thought it might be. but why would anyone ever put that in a post? seriously?

ha, yay, i hope they write back. can i see what they look like if they send you pics? i'm curious!

Mine:
Of course you can see their pics. I will give you play-by-play details.

Hers:
excellent ;)

and i will keep passing things along that i think might capture your interest. think of me as your broker...

xox

Mine:
I would prefer to think of you as my pimp if you don't mind.

Hers:
you'll think of me how i say, bitch!

(like that, you mean?)

Mine:
No no...my pimp, not my dom(inatrix). Besides, you could never be a "top" ;)

Now reach across your body with your right hand and backslap me across the face. See? Now you're a pimp.


Happy Holidays!
*Jen

Sometimes you just need the *right* people to say the *right* things and just like that, your whole mood shifts.

Yesterday was fairly abissmal. Some residual hurt that I was feeling regarding Tella resulted in a not-so-nice email exchange and the decision to no longer pursue friendship at this time. I was gutted. Not because we can't find a way to be friends, but because I am feel misrepresented and mishandled by a select few who should know me better. Alas, I cannot allow myself to be surrounded by the cattyness any more and so I am taking a HUGE step back from the situation.

I feel better today for having decided to do so.

In other news, I adopted a kitten. His name is William Odin Nelson, Esq. (Odin for short) and he is a precious -- although googly eyed -- little boy.



The infection in his left eye will heal over time, but the eye will be virtually useless -- he cannot see out of it and has no normal eye sensation. Despite this, he is a bouncy, rambunctuous, cuddly little man and I adore him.

History Lesson for the Day: Odin was the chief God in Norse mythology (Father to Thor). It is said that he is the God of wisdom, magic, poetry and prophecy. He sacrificed one of his eyes to another God in exchange for great knowledge -- hence why I named the kitten Odin.

You never cease to disappoint.

The problem is, however, that I never cease to get disappointed by you. One would think that I would have learned my lesson...

Perhaps we can chalk it up to my optimism that one day you will be a caring, giving, selfless, genuinely kind person, instead of the cunt you appear to be.

Happy fuckin' Thanksgiving.

Addicted to love. Thanks, Robert Palmer.

There is a feeling of absolute panic that comes over someone when they fear they might be falling. This jump-out-of-your-skin feeling. And I've got it.

I'm a hopeless romantic
I am full of pretty lines.
It's also true what you've heard about me
I fall in love every time.
So please, let me down easy
If I am not what you want.
Won't you let me down easy
I've got a really weak heart.

Watching Tella make out with another woman is *not* my idea of a good time. Granted, it was all in good fun and with a fellow Coyote (which always was, and will remain to be "allowed") but my weak heart, in its condition, had a hard time absorbing it. I know those lips. Urgh. I'm going to bed.

Seriously though? Totally smitten.

::groans:: Marry me?

Rebecca and I kicked their asses in not only one, but TWO games of pool. They were supposed to make out as reward but Jacob wouldn't go through with it -- Dave seemed to be on board, however. Oh well. We were told to make this admission count.

I need a woman who is sentimental. Someone romantic; a homebody. But who also wants to get dressed up, go out for a few drinks, and have fun with our friends. I need a woman who smokes pot, but is highly motivated and passionate about her career. I need a woman with amazing hair. I need a woman who makes me feel sexy, safe, and needed. I need a woman who is completely different than the women I have previously dated, but that have the resonating good qualities about them that made me fall in love in the first place. I need a woman who is *present*, who doesn't flake out, who makes a promise and keeps it. I need a woman who likes to fuck. I need a woman who understands my flirtacious nature, gets that it's harmless and fun, but maybe gets a little jealous anyway. I need a woman who enjoys scrapbooking. But mainly I need a woman who gets that I am sensitive, and a little insecure, emotional, and sometimes introspective...and who *lets* me be all those things without judgment. And maybe even encourages me to be all those things, because flaws are beautiful, and I am not a perfect person -- I'm on a journey to discover who I am, and what I want. I have had my heart broken several times, and I am filled with scar tissue. But I am trying to be the best friend, daughter, lover, and girlfriend that I can. If you will be patient with me, I might just be the love of your life. Because I can love you better than anyone else in this Universe.

Last night I quit a job, and today I have 3 clients booked. The Universe is smiling on me :)

By the time we got to Woodstock...

This weekend, my dearest friends and I drove to Woodstock, where my bestie (Rebecca) is from. We stayed there with her mom and stepdad who are not only amazing artists, but local celebrities. Their home is warm and spacious and full of artwork and charm, and I am grateful that the anxieties I suffered as a teenager (and more recently) are no longer preventing me from being a part of weekend activities such as this.

Cory, Rebecca and I drove up on Friday afternoon after we got done with work and, although we sat in hours of traffic, had great tunes to listen to, good conversation, and each others company. That night after we'd arrived and settled in, we ate a home-cooked dinner with Lois and Hong Nian (Rebecca's mom and stepdad) -- pork chops with an apple and onion glaze, roasted medley of vegetables, green salad, and apple-berry pie for dessert. Needless to say we were sated.

The next morning the rest of our friends drove up and joined us. We met them in town and had an aMAZing breakfast then went back to the house for a relaxing afternoon of tv watching and pajama wearing.

Cory and I are back home now and recovering from all the rich foods we ate these last few days. Anyone have any Alka Seltzer? Thanks.