forthright (fôrth'rīt')
adj.
1. direct and without evasion; straightforward
2. frank; direct; blunt; candid
3. something *she* is not

I have spent the better part of the last 10 years being in one dysfunctional/complicated relationship after another. I have been conditioned to believe that I am not worth being with/fighting for. I am diligently trying to condition myself to believe otherwise; trying to REcondition myself. Easier said than done.

Duck on the pond, duck on the pond, duck on the pond...

Things with Elise are moving much slower than I am used to. Yes, we've had sex. But we see each other infrequently, and there is little communication between us when we're not hanging out. When we're together, though, she is really attentive, and "girlfriend"y, and cuddly. Ugh!

Call me!

::BREATHES:: I am not good at "playing it cool." Some people were born with the ability; not me. But I *have* to right now if I don't want to scare her away; turn her off. Because right now I have her engaged; ignited, and if I don't dial it down a notch I will smother our fire.

Some details:
Her name is Elise. She is 25. And she has completely captivated me.

I am NOT good at playing it cool.

::LE SIGH::

I'm at it again. You know...the falling head over heels business. She finds me "captivating" and is Upstate this weekend picking strawberries, and making homemade jam with her dad. She couldn't be cuter. Equal parts rockstar and delicate cosmic flower. And I'm a smitten kitten :)