I've had my fair share...but it has never been due to "bad timing." This one aches a sort of long, squeezing throb, as supposed to the usual sharp lightening pain that I've come to know as heartbreak.

She will leave for California in 6 months, and I will know that there was nothing I could have done or said to change things. Life is, after all, full of unexpected turbulences that are, let's face it, out of our control. But I can't help but take this personally despite her pleading with me not to. It becomes personal when one's feelings get hurt. And my feelings are, indeed, hurt.

I can't help but think about previous relationships, past lovers, former heartaches. I know "this, too, shall pass" but right now I am wading in it; kicking my feet as fast and hard as they will go in an attempt not to sink. Have you ever looked at a duck on a pond? I mean *really* looked? On the surface they are as calm as can be. But just beneath the surface their legs of flailing as fast as they can to keep them afloat.

I can certainly empathize.

I have said many times before that my heart must have been built the wrong way for me to experience as much pain as I do. But in thinking about this a little further, I think my heart *had* to be built this way. "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."

"As for me, I am a watercolor; I wash off."

Wednesday at 7:30pm I will be underway to meet my love.

X x x

There's a certain irony to the fact that the first three letters of your name type out "9-1-1" on my cellphone. It always feels like there's a sense of urgency in the midst of you. Like trying to hold onto sand.

SO EXCITED!! Always get stoked during the planning stages of a new tattoo. Revamped the memorial tattoo for my Grandpa into a traditional Norwegian folk-art piece and it is looking FIERCE!! Stay tuned for pictures :)

The human heart is an amazing muscle. Measuring no bigger than your clenched fist, and capable of doing so much. When I woke this morning that's exactly how my heart felt, too: clenched in my chest like a team of trapped wolves that wanted...out.

My mind wandered to the first time we kissed, the first time we fought, the first time we made-up. None of these things have happened of course because we've yet to meet.

And I am waiting. Patiently.

Sometimes I wonder if I have been built the wrong way; capable of feeling *too* much; loving *too* much. But if the alternative is not loving enough I choose this.

step inside.
it's warm and sweet--
this insanity.
i love to dwell here
with my thoughts
to see what will become of me.

- kaite